Tonight, I learned a(nother) very big lesson about doing something bold and out of character.
I sent a compliment that was disrespectful in a lustful way to a young woman friend of mine that I have never thought of her that way before, or really any of my female friends ever.
With this particular friend, I absolutely hurt myself on a deep level tonight knowing I hurt her.
I am so appreciative of her in so many ways that are above this kind of behavior that yes, I should have known better than to cross that line with her.
In fact, I should have known better than to even think of trying on the character of “that guy”.
This friend has always been something special because I have known the best of her as she was becoming the best that she is currently. It’s been actually quite a decent amount of time. I am definitely an idiot for possibly risking that on an impulsive, thoughtless comment.
If you haven’t been really knowing about my past year, she has been a major part of it… and I don’t even know if she understands how major of a part she has been in my life for this past year, let alone the previous years leading up to it.
One step out of character is definitely not worth losing a connection with such a special person.
I am actually really appreciative that she brought it to my attention, but really – I knew better with her. Realizing that she expected better of me really shows me that she doesn’t consider me as just another person in her life… and that’s something that especially made me disappointed in myself about this, and that is especially something to keep in mind going forward.
I can’t do any better than words right now for an apology that needs something so much more to be proven – action.
There is no better apology than changed behavior and for her comfortability, every woman’s comfortability, my appreciation of her, my beliefs about respecting women that I have held since I was a teen (which is another reason why I can’t believe I did this to her), I will change. Technically, it’d be just staying true to myself and not trying to push the boundaries, but still, change from what happened tonight.
I am absolutely regretful that I had a lapse of judgment so unlike me, and even worse, to one of the most appreciated people in my life.
I knew better and I am so sorry.
I will do better. I promise.
With love and honesty,