[12.13.2016] Untitled.

Most people have a problem with doing so much but able to think about the one thing they need to focus on at any given time.

I have the opposite problem.

I tend to be doing one thing but my thoughts are a million other places. Anticipatory thoughts. Most are thoughts of trying to prepare for something or remember a new idea I have. I’ve realized I have a lot I want to do outside of whatever I am currently doing when my mind starts to wander. I have “game plans” galore for achieving many things. I want to do it all. I don’t want to do it all at once but I tend to think about everything at once. I somehow quickly find ways to connect everything as possible interconnected pieces of what could happen for achievement.

In some way, it’s a positive reflection of how my parents appreciated my inquisitive and creative nature as a child and they never tried to inhibit it. Unfortunately, there may not have been a discipline to it that might have needed to be put in place as to quiet the noise and re-center the focus.

There is always some philosophical quote or idea out on the internet to try to reaffirm there’s nothing wrong with thinking so much… or trying to counter it and help quiet the noise.

Thoughts are crazy little abstract things, aren’t they?

Depending on our exercised thinking patterns, we can have the biggest, most immediate things happening in our present in front of our eyes… and yet the thought we’re concerned about most is something small that happened earlier or maybe something that hasn’t happened and won’t ever happen in the future.

It takes something really jarring in some personal way to us to really have all of that noise silenced and instead have that one thing/thought anchor us down to present reality.

If 2016 has taught me anything, it’s that the things that ended up really mattering to me were not in all the things I tried to do out of wanting to be busy and self-distracted that were met with resistance or dead ends. It’s the things that persist as basic thoughts that occur in every idea or thought of something I want to do. It’s not the tangible things in each situation. It’s the associated feeling.

I often think about very specific wanderlusts I have had for a while. Brazil. Paris. Hawai’i. Santorini. How do those thoughts make me feel? They make me feel like I would be living a life of luxury. They make me feel like I would have obtained a level of status above “average”.

It’s exciting to think about the possibility and how to achieve it… but at the same time, I find myself sort of devaluing where I am currently and thinking I don’t want to be “here” as if it were wrong.

Hmmmm… comparative thinking is usually not good and in this case, it’s not.

Not to necessarily dissuade myself but I think about how much wanderlust I could feel if I just kept a sense of wonder in my local living area that I have never really been.

In the past few years, I have FINALLY explored most of the local towns within 15 miles and I found some places I really like to see. Sure, they aren’t far and they aren’t necessarily “big” sights of grandeur but they are still a visual dynamic with a quiet comfortability.

I have been to Niagara Falls a whole lot of times before the age of 12. I have been to the Hoover Dam. I have been to Washington D.C. I have been through the Rocky Mountain states multiple times. All fantastic sights to be seen on their different scales. I will never lose the wonder of those places. I will never lose the wonder of the places I have yet to experience…

…yet the thing I am having to learn is about the place that is here and now.

I am learning I have to be comfortable where I am, as I am. It may not be a place I have always dreamed of being…

…hmmm.

I just had a thought (as usual): What if that’s one of those things we take for granted and so we forego assuming that’s a lesson to be learned?

We never dream of being comfortable where we are, as we are. We are trained, exercised, programmed to achieve levels in life based around achievements in business. Being busy. Making moves. Hustling. Grinding. We are motivated to work for that 401k, Social Security. I could get into a whole bit that the late George Carlin expressed in many ways in his various stand-up specials about life and “stuff”.

I am not trying to justify laziness or lowering the bar of goals.

I just think that sometimes I feel like what I consider “goals” need to be understood more as “bonuses”. Perhaps, I wouldn’t be so avoid-oriented in thinking about my current place in time and feel like where I am is “wrong”. If I can love where I am in a non-comparative way of thinking and be bonus-oriented, maybe that grateful way of thinking is the secret to life everyone talks about.

Maybe all of the thoughts about “out there” are the escapist part of my subconscious for some self-deprecation of who I can’t see I am here and now.

I can still be creative and have ideas and goals… but perhaps being great at building my “here and now” and falling in love with that is what will bring me closer to my goals without me having to think about it all from some subconscious desperation.

Paradoxical learning is fun in the most challenging way (I think, or maybe I shouldn’t so much =P).
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