“I’m gonna… go outside and get some air. I’ll be right back.”
She said “I’ll be right back.” as if she wanted to reassure us not to get up and go out there with her. It didn’t matter – I didn’t need to go out there anyw… (patting my pants pockets)… damn it, I forgot my wallet in the car.
I went out and I saw someone who looks like someone I knew but had never existed before.
It was the same clothes I just saw her wearing and the same hair but I couldn’t see her face because her palms were covering her eyes as if… she was… crying. I’ve never seen her cry before. I’ve never even seen any frustration in her ever that could even lead to crying.
You hear it in songs about how the guy finds the girl in her sadness and tries to be the knight in shining armor to her damsel in distress, but it’s never that glamorous and it’s not just that easy.
Let me put this tidbit of information out there:
When a guy sees this happening to a person he believed this whole time to be strong, which she is, but has never seen her vulnerability, there is a thought that crosses his mind wondering if he can do anything for her at all. We question for a moment whether we can provide support up to her standards (as if she has really high standards for someone being supportive). We can be that self-conscious and/or stupid about it initially, but most also have this overriding switch when we see this moment where we have to do something.
This is one of those things where the reality is neither of them is sure what will happen if they let each other in. It’s the dilemma we hate to love and love to hate that it might just be too easy for a moment of vulnerability to turn into something more.
There is a question that I have learned to ask myself about honest feelings: What’s wrong with that?
Nothing. Nothing is wrong with them.
Sure, they may be temporary but that’s how you felt.
Self-control for externalizing the internal feelings seems like the key to dissolve the worry.
It’s interesting though that you don’t really know a person until a moment like this. A guy thinks his friend is a strong woman and that makes him humble and appreciative of the connection that has always been… but somehow out of an incidental moment that wasn’t supposed to be seen, there was even more to be appreciated.
There was a resolve. It still wasn’t the ending from all those songs, but it was the right one for that moment.