Make Me Do.

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I sit here with many ideas of what I want to do next.

They are like many doors that are open all around me and I am standing in the center of the room containing them all. The doors all have a light of possibility shining from the other side. I can’t see through it as to reveal what’s through each door.

There is no being ready for whatever is through each door. I’m just going to have to dive in.

Something in the way I have used my words regarding goals has always kept them in the distance. They have always kept them in a future that never started.

Essentially, I have loved that the doors were open but have said that I didn’t deserve them because they were too easily attained access to… when really, I haven’t yet attempted to enter and I was hesitant because I couldn’t see what exactly I was going into.

I love the light that was shone through!

I mean, they were all blurry images of possibility but it excited me knowing those could be the outcomes of my life – everything I’ve ever wanted.

The infamous words resonated with me: “Master of my fate.” “Captain of my soul.”

For most of the time knowing these words, I thought it meant to be in complete control of everything, as if to know now and beyond now.

For most of the time knowing these words, I was wrong.

I am learning (and loving) the fact that most of what we understand about ourselves is learned through paradoxical lessons.

A lot of the control I wish to have must be obtained by letting go of trying to control.

I can’t think myself out of anything that thought has gotten me into.

I can take those feeling reactions and let them happen. There is an aspect to physical reactions not many people understand: that the body reacts as it innately knows it can heal itself.

I could get into the physiology of the systemic interconnection during a reaction but honestly, that’s doing too much for this.

The point is that the mind and the body will do things that can be uncomfortable in reaction to things happening but the body and mind know what to do to heal itself which is why they automatically do what they do.

Scary. Possibly difficult to understand.

I don’t think I can control my heartbeat when in love or in fear. Yeah, that kind of reaction.

That’s the stuff of life where evolution begins.

The growth is in the endurance of discomfort while learning why you feel what you feel while traveling through the threshold of your current comfort zone.

I know what’s on the other side of it – everything I want.

I have always loved a challenge. I imagine the best challenges telling me “Show me why you think you’re ‘strong’. Earn what you desire. Do you really want it?”

Hell. Yes.

Even if the intended outcome does not end up happening, I’ll learn something one way or another. Either my intuition or my obliviousness will be confirmed.

It’s always a waiting game until I realize what my desire can make me do.

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