There Is No Love In Curiosity.

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I can admit that for most of my life, I would fall in love with ideas of people. Fortunately, I would never act on those feelings as if they were true.

Unfortunately, the more time I spent with them, the more it would validate my intuition about them. Where those realizations met the threshold of where I would feel I actually love them would always be disguised in a phrase I would say “Not yet.”

Inside, I would definitely know enough and feel enough to be willing to enter into a relationship. I also knew inside that she didn’t open up about me to me… “yet”.

“Yet” always comes and goes for me with not much clarified other than “Well, it didn’t feel right fading in vagueness like that.”

I don’t know if it’s because of how much energy I put into thinking about it or if it’s the intention to be discovered anyways but answers get around to me in these cases, just not directly.

*Astrological note: This is a Scorpio stereotype. We find things out intentionally or not. It’s weird how true that is for me.

You can’t start off knowing a person 100%. You can’t even have been with them multiple times and seen them in different environments and know where they stand on deeper issues.

One person may be interested in learning the other and the other may not reciprocate that feeling. They both should know these things.

When one is left curious, that is unfair.

At that point, though, the curious party should understand if it’s fading with no clarity, just let it fade. In case you are wondering… yes – this is also advice to myself.

Where is the fairness in keeping your expressions secret? All of that truth and no one to receive it. Not because there is no one but because you decide that the truth is… ???

Worth being hidden to evade judgment?
Perhaps you feel they aren’t ready to receive that truth…
…or more accurately you don’t even know if it’s a truth?

Yeah, feelings are difficult to understand and that’s why communication is key. Always.

As much as I love my late night internet sessions of reading and learning of certain topics that interest me, casually scrolling down social media and finding out something as an immature “If he finds it, then he finds it but I’m not telling him directly.” post is really weird to be experiencing still.

I mean, sure, it wouldn’t be a problem if it was a positive thing. It may turn the situation to be categorized as “clever” or “cute” but it’s not. It’s something that would be best communicated directly in private to the person it addresses.

There is no love in curiosity. If there is no willingness to be open and honest, there is no love. If there is too much work just to know something that could be easily made known just by simple communication, there is no love. There is no love in difficulty. There is no love in distrust. There is no love in hidden truths.

There is no love in curiosity. Only upon discovery… or in this case, revelation.

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