It’s an interesting moment when you know what you want to see in a human that you would like to be associated with.
Then there’s the moment that you find someone like that. At that moment, most decide they can stop looking. This is it. This is what you were looking for and you found it. Nobody wants to keep looking if they found what they were looking for, right?
Over time, the process of looking and the mindset you had when you were you were previously unbound and not exclusive is gradually forgotten.
Then the unfortunate day comes when something happens and the association is just not the same.
For someone who has experienced this before, it may not be difficult to get back to a state of independence.
There are also those people who just feel things a bit more than most. It’s a bit more difficult for them due to their strong commitment and investment in the value of their ideals, wants, and needs.
What was an idea before became real and that’s all it took to become hooked. It’s like having a belief and then it’s proven. You have been told it’s out there and it comes to fruition.
We as humans understand the huge number of people out there and take the odds into consideration. With as many people as we have crossed paths with and we don’t quite find the ideal, the time it does happen, we forget the numbers and think “This is it!” like this happening was made especially for us.
There’s a lot of people who don’t have to look anymore. For the others, it almost feels like trying to stop a drug addiction. Your mind and body try to re-learn how to live without the external high. Your reward system has to re-learn your own small accomplishments are worthy to feel good about. These small accomplishments were your hobbies before you got addicted. These were the things that you were doing on your own.
Memories are hard to forget… perhaps even impossible to forget.
(This is actually one thing I’m trying to learn is emotional detachment. To separate previous emotions from current realities to begin to accept and move on.)
Addiction to egocentric positive reinforcement is an interesting way to understand love and relationships. All of that is about receiving. You are rewarded with reciprocated adoration.
I guess that’s the battle, the gamble, the risk… as human beings, we are a social species. As a species, we are programmed to find a mate. Society and civilization have thrown in certain things that really make it more difficult and complicated to have to think and consider things. This group of people who are finding it difficult to find their way… is the group I self-align with.
I wonder how others seem to take relationships, dating, and approaches easy to go in and out of.
Of course, when heartbreak happens, it’s never easy… for most people.
Maybe boredom or saturation is the key.
I see people who are so often approached that a relationship to them is not of great importance and they can selectively choose to be in the mood for one or not.
So maybe the best thing to do to get over an addiction to one person is having more people in your life. It may be a way to realize you’re good by yourself again or it may lead to a new person that can teach you to appreciate a connection but not lose yourself to their influence. You can’t really know what someone will teach you… so to increase the odds of finding the right person anyways is to associate with more people.
I have never been in a relationship but yet I have still had the “human addiction”. I think the only thing that broke that was when I realized it was a futile effort and then started hanging out with other people more, getting lost in my hobbies again. Of course for me, my hobby was music… and that meant therapeutically writing words and songs of the unrequited nature. Eventually, it got boring wallowing in sadness. Breakthrough – addiction fades.
It’s easier typed than done. The actual timeline of how that all happened took a while but it ultimately happened.
There were times I “decided” I don’t need anybody just to have some kind of internal feeling arise where I felt I should be looking.
This is just one of those human internal back-and-forth dilemmas.
For those who have had tough influences on their ideas of relationships in their lives which has made it difficult later on, the addiction can be too alluring. The want to prove that they know better almost feels like a mission to understand that they weren’t swayed by those negative influences.
Perhaps we hybridize the addiction to challenge those negative ideas with the addiction to another human.
I know personally I have to take off pressure from myself to try and jump in and to know the point I might have to ween and withdraw from the human addiction.