Alternative.

Careful – that next decision could be the path change you didn’t anticipate.

Of course in reality, every decision could be that.

I love having options and I love that I have the power to be the master of my fate (and captain of my soul =). I have been taught well about decisions especially in the past few years.

Quick decisions are always a gamble while thought out ones are usually safe but not usually without a questioning feeling afterwards.

Weighing the pros and cons is generally how we begin to rationalize our choices.

People have told me that if the cons are anything short of definite death, then you should just analyze the profits of the pros. That has led to me making a lot of interesting decisions.

It all makes for an interesting life, right? Have a little fun. Try something different. Choose the thing I wouldn’t *usually* choose.

Put myself into situations where I’d have to learn something new about myself.

Boy, have I learned some things.

I do the thing that people say you shouldn’t do – go back and wonder “what if”. I mean, yeah, it’s a futile effort and useless in the end because you can’t possibly know what would’ve really happened if you decided on the alternative.

The alternative though…

This is why I’ve had to learn that regret, though difficult to overcome the thoughts especially if the outcome was able to be seen and it was the thing you’d rather have happen, is something to try to abandon ASAP.

There definitely has been a lot more of me speaking my truths and feelings about things because the alternative would be repression… and I already knew from years ago that repression is a horrible slow suffering of not being able to achieve peace. I will get things off of my chest if the door is left open for that opportunity.

Decisions can cause people to be angsty and they decide out of frustration because “decisions are obstacles”. These people don’t even think about the options, they just decide for getting it over with whatever it may be.

For me, decisions are another part of life where interconnection has its finger in the cup, twirling around, creating ripples. It’s not important but it can be. How fun, right?

There are a lot of text graphic quotes on the internet about people being options and how it’s better to just walk away when you realize you’re just an option. Possibly a back-up. An alternative route.

I have mixed feelings about this idea.

The first feeling is that, yeah, if you’re just an option for convenience when the person can pull you in when they need something specific and use you for that, they might not be treating you as a whole person. It can be perceived as insulting.

The other feeling, though, is that… wow – you’ve been chosen for some reason, and if you’re an alternate in case they learn a lesson from their first option, then you can be the better option that makes a situation better.

Of course in relationships, that is a very optimistic and slim chance probability.

I have a difficult time discounting a person’s presence in my life. Communication may fade at times but what matters is the parts when they are present, and that carries weight in association with them. It’s not that I want to use them for a specific thing and devalue the other parts of them. It’s more like… I like them as a whole even with certain parts maybe a little dented, imperfect aesthetically… but they have a specialty. They have a specialized part of them that for me, I would like to see them utilize and perhaps in return, I could help them to grow it in other aspects of their life. Hopefully, I could be seen as having a perspective that is worthy of being trusted for trying to help them. If not, that’s fine. I still want to see their specialties glow and make sure they know they are great at that whatever it may be.

See, sometimes I wonder about what I have to offer and think if my specialties didn’t exist, would the other parts of me be worth it to someone. Again, it’s a dangerous way of thinking but it makes you think about if there is a better version of yourself you could be instead of settling yourself out of certain… people-deciding moments.

It would be nice if decisions somehow had a perfect way of working where everyone had a perfect choice and no options would go unpicked in the end.

Everybody has a special place in someone’s life and sometimes, they never find the perfect placement in their lifetime. Most people probably assume they will find it.

Being hopeful is the only useful option in this world. I mean, what’s the alternative?

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