In the past year, I have been surprised at the amount of money that I have had acquired just being an occasional sound guy for gigs and events and helping other people out for rides or other “tight spot” things when they called.
Sound jobs have settled down in the past summer and I still maintain to have a convenient amount of money for daily living come my way. Still helping certain people because I can.
I have been able to go out and have fun, eat at places, buy new electronics and equipment for music or just cables that went bad. Convenience. That’s what money buys.
Convenience has the ability to allow people to go out and do certain things when they want. We’re pretty much renting a conducive environment for whatever we intend to do.
For me, a lot of what I do daily revolves around maintaining some kind of order of certain things in the household, being a bit of a caretaker to my dad’s friend who lives with us. In his limited physical ability, I help him with medication, opening bottles, little daily two-handed operations, and driving him around… those things. He also gives me money for what I’m doing for him.
In these certain ways, my week has all the feelings of me providing services to people… like a regular job.
Just to be clear, I don’t only do things for people for money. The music and sound help can sometimes be money-free, but I like doing it. Correction: I love doing it!
On weekends, I can afford to rent an environment conducive to recreation. This past Labor Day weekend, I pretty much lived at Round 1. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a Japanese-flavored Dave & Buster’s. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a video game/tickets/prizes arcade with a bar. I was with my sister and my brother’s girlfriend one day. The next time I was with my sister and her two friends. The last time was with my sister, her friend, and my older brother.
And so, I was having fun and getting out and doing something different…
…and it was a temporary distraction.
Sure, I was in the moment and feeling like I was in some sort of my element. The 1990’s nostalgia of being at the arcade at the now defunct Summit Place Mall in Michigan really hit hard. Yes, it took me back to the 1990’s. Dave & Buster’s did too but something about this place hit harder. Perhaps just the timing of things in my life right now where I really wanted a distraction.
And so I got it.
After any serotonin-increasing event, certain people are prone to withdrawal periods. I know concert-goers do that often.
It was in my mini-withdrawal that I realized that even though I had the money to do certain things and be in certain places with certain people, the dopamine system work was only temporary.
I don’t know if it’s just that I’ve never felt the desperation of certain things like others have… or maybe there was too much going on close to home that I never felt the mental freedom to be able to just choose to do something social most take for granted. Either way, my way of recreation and using my money is a bit out of the ordinary.
I would rather use my money to see someone else feel better than to go and indulge in vices and what seems like temporary conveniences for me.
When I have the money, I will ask my sister if she wants to go somewhere and do something, maybe get a special beverage from Jamba Juice or any of the coffee places she likes.
That’s just always been me. I do a lot of things for others when I can.
Like I typed way earlier in this thing, recently I have been indulging in my own conveniences and enjoyment. I don’t know if it’s coincidence but I have been feeling a bit unfulfilled because of it.
I have been feeling like the ashes that the Phoenix will rise from and have been making moves towards that rise moment where I realize and say “Hey! I fucking did it… AGAIN!” but not quite arrived at the “rise” moment.
Trying new things in life out in various ways through trial and error is helping me vector in on what my root inhibiting factors are and what my strongest motivations are so I can control them better to keep living a better life.
Money is not either of those.
Money is one of those things that I hate that the amount of it one has is a generally often used meter of some kind of quality in a person. True, it can provide insight to how diligent a person is or how strong-minded and/or strong-willed they are to be able to be that focused on their job, but what about their strength when life is inconvenient? Are they resourceful without money? Do they have the same loyal “friends” without money? Do they “love” someone the same without money? Do they “live” the same strength without money?
I am not against successful people. I am not envious of the higher income bracket. I do not wish to have a Bugatti.
Although, I do like the Alfa Romeo 4c… but I digress.
The thing I’m realizing is that money may make it convenient for opportunity to arise on an impulse… but opportunities are best when they are cultivated.
Just because you can do what you want when you want using money doesn’t mean it’s the best thing you can do at whatever time you want with that opportunity. Also, it might not even last.
It’s like there’s no love in buying/renting convenience.
I will say the exception of tools of technology and efficiency in creation of things can still leave room for the love in the creation process.
As far as consumerism and end-user indulgence with no product for others – not going to be the same in the long run.
This is something we learn (hopefully) at our most influential ages. Teenager up to young adulthood.
I have a wallet and pocket with cash in it and a couple of cards with money on them. As simply and easy as it would be to “treat myself”, I don’t really feel like that’s what I need anymore.
There’s a person I know who did all kinds of laborious things for work, kept himself busy, but also smoked packs a day and drank packs a day. He would stay at various relatives houses on their couch for various periods of time. He stayed at our house as well. He had plenty of money available to him but didn’t feel having his own house necessary. As a person who analyzes people as I do, this man was not happy… although, everybody knew that. There was a change in him in the past few years. He hasn’t been drinking or smoking (as much?). He has a less-withered look to him. He has more color to him, in an overall sense. Do you want to know what happened?
I’m pretty sure… he found love again.
(This blog post just wouldn’t be a very Gabe-like post without mentioning “love” in such a way =)
Do I feel love is the void that needs to be filled? No. In a more general sense, it’s just connection and feeling like I have a consistent group of people, which I kind of do. Small as a group they may be, they are great. I appreciate them.
I didn’t need money to buy the opportunity to know them.
I don’t even need money to stay associated with them.
And when you have your group of people, you don’t necessarily need money to feel the love. I was having a great time with my people at Round 1 but the Round 1 part alone didn’t make those trips.
Money does not equal nor buy true happiness. This is something we already knew.
But sometimes, we need a reminder.