In my post “Deserving“, I typed about my dilemma where I would keep myself from taking advantage of opportunities so easily presented to me as if I didn’t “earn” them.
I had a conversation about this again. I was applying it to recent opportunities that have come into existence and a familiar phrase came up: “Too good to be true.”
As familiar as I am with this phrase, I haven’t thought of it recently, thinking it was applicable.
This time, it made me think that maybe this is the idea in my mind. I mean, it makes sense… the ease of achievement, the flow of things into the situations were easy, and rolling with it is just as easy. When life is easy, the only thing that brings me down seems to equate to the idea of being “too good to be true”. That very well could be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I begin to treat things as though everything good is just as temporary as everything bad. Even the best things I truly want to have around in the long-term cannot be nurtured to stay around just because it fits so nicely. It’s a bit pessimistic but also seems realistic. In reality it’s not necessarily true though.
Because of the idea that everything is temporary, I have this interesting mixture of placing great value on these things… but also a lax feeling of interest, as if to prepare like it was already on its way out into just being a memory. An emotional preparation, guarding from pain.
It’s not about giving up, it’s more along the lines of the thought, “Hey, this is nice! In a perfect world, this will always be around. I know there’s a good chance it won’t be, so try not to get attached.”
(Huh, interesting. I wonder if this can connect to my post “Attachment”.)
Yes, I fear losing things I appreciate so deeply so I try to exercise restraint in attachment. This is actually a pretty interesting revelation.
The idea that to save myself from pain of losing assumed temporary joys, I start to treat those situations as if they were already leaving, so I try to avoid enjoying it deeply.
(Sheesh, I could be my own therapist.)
Obviously, the problem with that is… it’s almost like I don’t fully enjoy life to the fullest.
I have been recently receiving messages that it’s okay to be emotional and feel things. I know that now.
I have been receiving messages that it’s okay to indulge in experiences that bring you joy without feeling guilty. I know that now.
Knowing how conservative and quiet I have been in the past, it has always been suggested to me to live life to the fullest and a little bit louder. These suggestions and reminders-to-self permissions work for getting into and being in those moments.
The hard part is accepting the uncertainty of whether good things will be around or not. The withdrawal periods of loss can be heavy for me. It definitely causes me to withdraw when it was something so good for me. I guess I’d rather initiate the loss of interest than the situation disappearing with me still invested in it, as to create a mindset ready and willing to forget.
I read that back and I can see a deep sadness.
What I can do from here is realize that situations can always happen and stay, or happen and go… and possibly come back. I really do have to understand that every chance won’t necessarily be the last chance at happiness or that benefit of a situation, whatever it may be. If I’m fully enjoying life, then the likelihood of permanence in things that I enjoy will be raised.
I fully believe in the law of attraction and this very much reflects that idea.
I have a handful of thoughts that are consistent everyday regarding intention and positivity. Some days are stronger than others so naturally, I don’t always feel like I’m closer to them coming to fruition.
I still love the hope of them happening but now I have to understand to commit to that happiness even if it starts to fade later. I wanted it. If I get it, I’ll have it. It’s the thing I wanted, why change the enjoyment later just because of its temporary nature?
For the thought that things are “too good to be true”, it will be nice to enjoy a life that is “too true to just be ‘good'”.