Attachment.

I have been given small gifts that are meant to be worn daily, intended in the long-term of my life. My grandfather would constantly give me these little Christian/Catholic pins and pendants that these organizations would mail out to him. Sure, it was a gift and it does help me remember my grandfather intentionally gave it to me, but it didn’t quite feel… personalized. Obviously, that doesn’t take away any value from my grandfather.

I don’t know if I’ve ever received a gift that was a deep, symbolic representation of a relationship I’ve had with somebody. I know – it’s the thought that counts, and I appreciate the thought.

My aunts have knitted scarves and hats and made a Christmas stocking for me. Those all come in handy in winter out here in California. Those might be the closest things to what I’m talking about. I don’t get too emotional over those though. Again, not taking any value away from why I received it and who it was from.

I would like to experience a gift that makes me emotional just upon glancing at it, at least for a moment. It will take me back into a memory or an image that will seem like it came to the forefront for minutes when it was just a second. A gift that may look to others as unrefined in design, but what it has on it is very personal. That type of gift where if it’s wearable, I’d wear it a lot but with care. If it’s something to display, it would be humble in size, but again, strong in content. It would be a gift where in a moment of sadness, I would ground myself with it by contact… or similarly, in a moment of nostalgia.

I have a lot of things that were given to me. Prizes won at an arcade involving either a claw machine or ticket redemption. Wearable accessories mailed from organizations involving donations. Hand-me-down, cool but possibly irrelevant, technological equipment. I have been given cards on my birthday that have contained money. Both seemed to only last for so long.

Maybe I feel lacking in some kind of memory that is staining in a way that invokes a deep emotional response.

The way I’ve been living life has been safe and is rarely conducive to such moments…
…but then again, sometimes the best moments cannot just be incubated.

In fact, the best moments are usually unexpected.

As much as I want something like this, I don’t expect it to happen anytime soon. As I typed before, I know how I’m living and I am trying to crack open life a little more to invite such opportunities to be created, but that kind of change doesn’t happen overnight.

In a safe life, people can get lost in the boring regimens and become detached from details.

I want to feel attached emotionally, deeply, to some kind of object I didn’t expect or could foresee I would be, but something I can have with me though the person who gave it to me may not be. 

Something with a personalized message and deep emotion attached.

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