Am I missing something?
Is there some assumption in the phrase “the idea of” that my “idea of” something is flawed as if I truly thought of only the best parts of something?
In its most popular usage about love, a person will caution another person about a certain feeling they’re having by suggesting that they may be “in love with the idea of love” or “in love with the idea of a person”. There were times in my teenage years I responded to that with “Uh, yeah. That’s the point, right?”. Whoever was talking with me would usually respond along the lines of “No, no, no. You have to fall in love with the person as a whole.”
That is where I feel like there’s an innate assumption that the phrase carries about the way a person is thinking about another person or love in general.
I felt lightweight insulted when somebody expressed that to me. I would have to explain (well, not “have to” but I did because… teenager) that I already got the best, positive light, easiest to see parts of a person and of course I know there are the not so flattering parts, but I am not an emotionally closed-off person. I can handle (like it really takes much skill to understand) that and I am willing. I knew if I were to get into a relationship, insecurities would come up. Again, I was already fine with that. Maybe it’s just how I developed to be that understanding that I skipped the part where a crush was simple. The part usually associated with teenagers, where I would know it made me feel good, and I would “know” *nothing* bad would happen. Only the light – puppy love. Maybe it’s a good thing I never got into a relationship then at that point where it was pretty much likely going to be a disappointment from some kind of immaturity.
“The idea of”… *scoff*.
I had parents that were together at one point. I was definitely present when they would argue when I was younger and I understood what they would argue about. It was ALL insecurities and trust. I was occasionally present when other couples would argue. Still the same – insecurities and trust but with different reasons than my parents. I knew no relationship would be perfect. I knew people changed and feelings changed because I saw people break-up or divorce all the time. It happened to my parents.
As much as I watch Nora Ephron movies and other rom-coms on Netflix, I know better than to think a story that was written in such a perfect combination of exaggerated characters and truly impeccable, serendipitous storylines is truly applicable to the real-world. It’s fun to watch and it hits the feels but it’s near-perfectly fictitious.
I don’t take those ideas into the real-world. Maybe the lessons of truly awful timing and miscommunication but that’s about it.
I guess I have always been a realist of understanding why perfect isn’t real when it comes to people and relationships. As Drake reiterates on Tank’s track “Celebration”:
“They say real girls ain’t never perfect, perfect girls ain’t real.” – Drake
Zodiac sign note: Drake is a Scorpio… like me.
So there isn’t really this “perfect love story” idea that I have really ever carried with me. One of my favorite AIM Buddy Profile things I typed was “Out of all the females in the kingdom, Cinderella was the only one who wore that shoe size?”. I mean, if you think about shoe size and finding a fateful happily-ever-after based on that, in reality, many could fit it. I understand that thinking about it like that could take away a certain “beautiful” and “dreamy” aspect of the story, and I’m sorry/not sorry about that, but it shouldn’t take away from the reality…
…that love and relationships aren’t guaranteed perfect from the start, but through pure love persisting through the trials and errors, the whole spectrum of emotion, insecurities and all.
Love isn’t a beginning that ends all pain. Love is an energy that lives through and carries each other out of pain. Spoiler alert: There will be some pain.
Real love is imperfect but at its best persists… and that is and always has been my idea of love.