So now there is this failed attempt at memory retrieval of something that just up and vanished like dust in a wind tunnel.
It was such a strong topic that I was going to type about. I was burning with norepinephrine, anxious to type certain phrases and provide certain images, and in a matter of seconds, that topic disappeared.
I have been refining the idea for the past 30 minutes or so. The momentum was gaining. Dopamine was being released. It created a positive feedback cycle so strong that I had to stand up and lightly pace. It is 3:00 in the morning so “lightly” is warranted.
I sat down and opened up WordPress in a new tab, got to the “Add” page and…
…my phone had a notification.
I read something on my phone that piqued my curiosity and I indulged.
I appreciated that I did that until I came to the end and realized that I had forgotten what I was going to type about.
Oh my goodness.
Am I kidding me?! WHAT IS THAT?!
It rarely happens but it’s scary when it does. It’s an anomaly I don’t like.
I mean, all of that momentum and energy into refining the idea and it wasn’t heavy enough to stick in my short-term?
Anxiety has me wondering if that will ever happen in a moment bigger than just a blog post. Rationalization has me thinking that it might be because I’m up this late when I should be asleep. My want of closure and completion, though I have lost the idea, still wants to try and remember it.
Well fuck that last one.
We as humans may forget what we were intending to do. It might have been with the greatest outcome intention ever (in our minds). We might have been so passionate about it in preparing for it, but because we didn’t place any piece of it in a tangible format, a temporary but strong enough distraction faded the memory.
That is a lesson to be remembered: If you’re going to make it real, set a place for it to sit and remind you what you want to do, where it won’t be lost by mental lapses.
Yeah, you can try to remember how it felt to think of it, but until it’s real, it might not withstand distraction.