What I see. What they see.

Today I had 3 conversations with friends about my current internal dilemmas that have taken a toll on my productivity this past week. I thought we were going to discuss it in a way that would have me wanting to apologize to everybody. I mean, I still do just because it feels like it’s a burden… ummm… but I was wrong. Here is a list of things I heard today (not necessarily word-for-word):

  • “You feel like you’ve plateaued and you see it as the end. I see it as your Phoenix moment. Something amazing is brewing and is going to come out of this. You’re going to come out stronger.”
  • “Dude, you’re so talented and you have a lot going for you.”
  • “Everybody asks about you when I see them. You’re the guy that did the sound for these things and they loved it!”
  • “See, you have created, what, 1000+ song ideas saved? You are too good for this area! Now you gotta reach a bit further.”
  • “You reached out. You tried. Even ______ was pulling for you to do that.”
  • “You know, you might feel bad about it but so might they. You might have the same thing going on. Just give it time. You didn’t push.”
  • “We should celebrate that you are now ready for a change to feel fulfillment!”
  • “We should celebrate who you are now compared to who you were 5 years ago!”

All these perspectives of me and this is the perspective of myself I initially offered:

  • “I think I made it worse.”
  • “I have nothing more to offer.”
  • “The thing I didn’t want to do… I think I did it.”

It is difficult to see the bigger picture of yourself when you focus on one small thing that may have been a blindside hit to you but really was nothing to everybody else. Other people will still see you’re shining parts of who you are. They appreciate what you can do. They appreciate what you have done. They appreciate who you are still. Here’s the crazy thing: I appreciate others the same way. They might have insecurities but I don’t mind. In fact, I’ll be one of the first to reaffirm them that there is something special about them and they should keep doing what they do and being who they are. It’s funny how that works. I can’t appreciate myself the same way I appreciate others. I don’t expect brownie points for that statement – I need to fix that. There’s no problem with appreciating others as much as I do. The problem is when I stop appreciating myself. I used to equate that to arrogance. Now, I’m seeing that it doesn’t have to be that extreme. Balance is nice.

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